Goodbye to my thirties
Ending this decade, time is what I appreciate the most.
Having your birthday fall on a holiday can be a bit of a letdown. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s babies know what I mean—lots about your special day gets swallowed up. Halloween is more of a mixed bag (of candy). What a great time to have a birthday as a kid. Everyone’s in the spirit, everyone’s getting treats, but only one person is getting treats and presents—a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. Halloween is my birthday, and this year, it’s a big one.
This Thursday, I’ll be turning 40. I’ve been coping all month by telling myself things like, “It’s just an arbitrary number divisible by ten.” Lame, I know. When friends or family bring it up, I shrug it off, saying, “Just shoot me a call or a text.” Instead of throwing some big party to mark the occasion, I opted for a quiet, relaxing spa getaway with Heather. Don’t get me wrong, it was a perfect, but it was also pretty downtempo.
Why am I getting all in my feels about my birthday? I think it has to do with time.
Turning 40 is making me look at time in a way I never anticipated. In my late twenties before having kids, I felt like I could burn through time with little consequence. Time was abundant. But as a parent of two young girls with a growing family business, time has become precious in ways that leave me grateful, but perhaps a bit too sentimental. Whoever said the days are slow, but the years are fast was absurdly correct. It’s as if time has subtly sped up while I was looking in the other direction.
Back when my time was more my own, I could be spontaneous with it. I’d dive into hobbies for hours, meet up with friends on a whim, or get lost in detailing my car for however long it took. I even had space for projects that might not lead anywhere, but that was okay, because the journey itself was rewarding. These days, my time is all accounted for: measured, scheduled, and thoughtfully spent. I’m less concerned with where it goes and more with who I get to share it with.
A big part of this shift comes down to my family. When you’re raising kids, your perspective on time flips entirely. It stops being yours. You share it with them. As they become more self-sufficient, everything feels more fleeting. One moment, I’m marveling at Ruby taking her first step, and the next, I’m holding back tears as the little yellow school bus to kindergarten pulls away. I never thought I’d be screaming my brains out at a competitive swim meet either, but here we are. How quickly they’re growing up has changed how I approach everything else.
With my kids, I’ve learned that it’s not just about the big moments like our trips to Florida, but about being present in a way that’s meaningful. My older daughter and I cherish our morning walks to school while my younger daughter loves pretending to be different animals when we wake up in the morning. (Lately, we’ve been mice and worms.) It’s the little rituals that make them feel loved and seen more than anything. I believe these memories are the currency of parenthood, and I’ve become more aware than ever that I won’t get to hold onto them forever. My kids won’t always need me to put them to bed or lace up their cleats for practice. The time I have with them now feels like a privilege, one I never want to take for granted.
And then there’s the business. Being an entrepreneur comes with an entirely different relationship to time, since there is no official “timecard” when you work for yourself. There is, however, a thrill in chasing new opportunities, building something from scratch, and navigating the ups and downs of growth. But it’s also relentless, demanding my attention and energy at any moment. By this age, I’m more aware than ever about burning myself out. Heather has been instrumental in helping me learn how to work smarter, not harder. Through her, I’ve also learned the importance of staying organized and taking time off when needed. Always being “on” doesn’t just drain me—it also takes away from the quality of the time I spend with the people I love.
Lately, I’ve been trying to be more intentional with how I structure my days and where I invest my time in my business. Rather than focusing on every single opportunity, I’m getting better at identifying what genuinely aligns with our long-term goals and what doesn’t. This shift hasn’t just been good for my business; it’s been a game-changer for my mental health and personal relationships. I’ve realized that sometimes the best way to grow is by stepping back, reorganizing, and letting go of what no longer serves our vision. I try to value balance and find joy in the work I do and the people I’m with.
With age comes this deeper sense of appreciation for time as a finite resource. One that deserves respect. Turning 40 feels like this gentle nudge reminding me not to waste time worrying about things that don’t matter or constantly hustling at the expense of the life I want to live and the type of business I want to grow.
If there’s one thing that’s surprising me the most about turning 40, it’s this: The number itself doesn’t define me, but my attitude toward time has. And now, more than ever, I want to spend it well.
Are you going through a mid-life crisis, too? JK. But tell me my forties will be great. I could use the encouragement!
Last week, we gave you last year’s costume. This week, we give you our latest. Heather and I traveled to Thailand as Moo Deng’s biggest fans! I’d say about a third of party attendees had a clue what this was about. Not our best, but we were comfier than everyone else, and that has to count for something. Also, Moo Deng.
TJA in the News
Filled the early bird slot on CNBC’s Worldwide Exchange to talk markets, earnings, interest rates, and my favorite Halloween candy.
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Great piece, Doug.
Happy Birthday!