The Five Love Languages (of Money)
Rethink how to show your partner you care this Valentine's Day.
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You might not believe this, but we don’t love writing about Valentine’s Day. We actually had a good laugh last week trying to come up with seasonal angles on the current financial headlines: Forget Diamonds This Valentine’s Day—Buy Her an Omelet! Ridiculous.
The reason we don’t love writing for the holiday is because when it comes to the way you approach money as a couple, you should be practicing the tools and strategies we write about every day, not just on special days. Communication runs through the center of so much of what we do, and it’s just so hard, because we don’t all need the same words and gestures for our support to really resonate. In that spirit, we want you to think about how you show your partner you care. Now, we’re going to apply those sentiments to money.
You might have heard of The 5 Love Languages. Pioneered by Dr. Gary Chapman in his widely regarded book, these five “languages” represent different ways we communicate and demonstrate our love and care for one another. Essentially, you can lean into the ones your partner identifies with the most to speak their language of care the best. The five languages are: (1) Quality Time; (2) Words of Affirmation; (3) Gifts; (4) Acts of Service; and (5) Physical Touch.
Obviously, this framework is meant to apply on a wider scale, but we touch money almost every single day. Understanding how to apply your partner’s love language to your household finances can help you navigate the tougher times and grow closer together. Let’s go through them.
Quality Time.
For partners who value quality time, scheduling an hour to discuss money without distractions can be a real bonding moment. I won’t go as far as to call it romantic—who are we kidding? In fact, last year, we wrote for CNBC about the very fact that you should not bust out your spreadsheets on a money date leading up to Valentine’s Day. But you can keep it big picture and talk about your wins, your values, and your goals for the next three-to-five years. Then, schedule a quarterly money date moving forward to review things like your cash flow, net worth, long-term financial goals, and any big upcoming expenses. Heather and I love going on walks or playing tennis together while discussing these topics. Make it less like a board meeting and more like a ritual.
Learning something new together is time well spent, too. If both of you are curious about a certain financial topic, take a virtual class or binge some podcasts in the car together.
If you’re looking to splurge for a holiday or special moment, consider investing in experiences rather than just stuff. Cooking classes, weekend getaways, or even tackling a DIY home project can bring you closer together. Because this love language thrives on togetherness, experiences tend to create stronger memories and deeper feelings of connection than a pricey item gathering dust.
Words of Affirmation
If your partner’s the type to revel in praise—whether that’s being cheered on in a group fitness program, receiving positive feedback at their job, etc.—that’s Words of Affirmation at work. When it comes to your finances, you can offer them something similar by celebrating their financial wins, no matter how large or small. Showing genuine enthusiasm when they’ve made strides to pay off debt, reach a savings goal, or receive a bonus at work, goes a long way in building their confidence. Confidence is everything when you’re finding your financial voice.
You don’t need to wait for them to achieve anything, either. If your partner’s just making a concerted effort, acknowledge that. You may not realize how hard of a time they’re having and how far a simple text like, “I’m really proud of how committed you are,” will go.
However, don’t forget the flip side. Criticism hits extra hard for someone who thrives on Words of Affirmation. If you need to address something that’s not working between the two of you, approach it gently and with support.
Gifts
Don’t rush to conflate gift giving with materialism. Gifts get a bad rep, especially in these “Valentine’s Day personal finance” think pieces where we try to discourage you from throwing money at things. But if you or your partner love receiving gifts, then give and receive gifts. Just know it’s more about the thought than the amount of money you’re spending.
Set a mutual gift budget if gift-giving is your jam. You can still buy something meaningful or quirky that fits your partner’s interests or surprise them with something that’s loaded with sentiment. It could be a book signed by their favorite author or something repurposed from their childhood or earlier in your relationship. The point is to show you’ve been paying attention to who they are and what they love. A handwritten card or homemade treat can be just as powerful (if not more) than an expensive store-bought gift. Attach a heartfelt note explaining why you chose this item or gesture, and you’ll create a keepsake your partner cherishes.
Acts of Service
In the context of how your life operates, time is a currency—perhaps the most valuable one of all. This is a much longer discussion for another day, but how you divide household labor matters, and if your partner feels (or might feel) like they harbor the lion’s share of responsibilities to keep your operation afloat, I can assure you they will feel loved and appreciated by you stepping up to handle some additional tasks at home from start to finish.
Maybe instead of just lifting the grocery bags, you should take the lead in planning meals and going shopping. Maybe instead of just driving your kids to a birthday party, you should plan something fun for you and them to do afterwards so your partner gets some downtime. If you already take the lead on paying the bills, be a bit proactive and compare insurance rates at renewal time or sit on phone with your internet provider over lunch to negotiate a lower monthly cost. There is always more you can do, and that more means less for your partner.
Physical Touch
You might be thinking, “let’s watch him make the connection between physical touch and money,” but it translates, I swear. If physical touch is your partner’s primary love language, you can consider setting aside a budget for periodic massages or spa days to show you value their relaxation and well-being. You can also sign up for couples’ training or yoga classes, which are like shared experiences that play into both Quality Time and Physical Touch. You’re literally investing in your connection—while also getting a workout in.
If your partner hits a financial milestone, try a hug. It can do wonders. Don’t underestimate the power of physical affirmation when celebrating your victories.
Which money love language speaks to you? Do you buy it, or are you sticking with the omelet? Let us know!
Heather plays for keeps when it comes to Philadelphia sports. In fact, she’s written two beautiful pieces about her connection to the city (and her late grandparents) here and here.
Since the Eagles straight-up dominated the Chiefs in Super Bowl LIX on Sunday, Heather has been floating on Cloud Nine. As much as she enjoys taking her personal victory lap around the neighborhood (and in her 8,000 group chats), I think what makes her happiest is seeing our daughter hop aboard the Philly train with her. I wish I could have seen the look on Hazel’s classmates’ faces when she took this swagger to school in her brand-new Saquon Barkley fit.
Go Birds!
Money Together is available for pre-order!
The cat’s out of the bag! Our forthcoming book, Money Together: How to find fairness in your relationship and become an unstoppable financial team, is being published on October 28, 2025. Wowowow.
Consider this the first—and far from the last—time you will hear this from us, but pre-orders mean everything to authors. You can already support our work by ordering your copy from Amazon and Barnes & Noble today.
TJA in the news
For CNBC, Douglas discussed why tariffs can be a wake-up call for individual investors.
<3 Some other love and money news <3
Gen Z is Giving More Expensive Valentine’s Day Gifts Than Millennials (Newsweek)
Love and Money: Why Sharing Accounts Is Good for Your Relationship (The New York Times)
How Valentine’s Day Can Ruin Your Finances as a Couple (And How To Keep That From Happening (Yahoo! Finance)
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The content shared in The Joint Account does not constitute financial, legal, or any other professional advice. Readers should consult with their respective professionals for specific advice tailored to their situation.